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ivf pregnancy announcement with worth the wait onesie, ultrasound, baby shoes and letterboard with babies name and due date
IVF Personal

Worth The Wait

The secret life of infertility and our journey to an IVF pregnancy announcement

It’s no secret that Dan and I struggled with infertility with our first daughter Avalon. We went through 5 years of trying, two rounds of IVF and one failed pregnancy before we got our rainbow baby Avalon. This was nearly 6 years ago. Thankfully I had an incredibly supportive cake family on social media, friends and family that was there for us through it all.

But soon enough, the questions of “when are you going to give Avalon a sibling” began. If I ever complained of being tired, I’d get an “ohhhh maybe you’re pregnant!”. I know everyone’s comments are well-intentioned. But pregnancy doesn’t cure infertility.

Of course, we wanted to have another but not many know how incredibly emotionally draining it is to go through IVF even once. The financial strain is HUGE (nothing is covered here in Oregon by insurance) but that’s nothing compared to the emotional struggle and the physical struggle. Putting your body through shot after shot, pill after pill. Bruises and bleeding. All for the hope of maybe getting ONE good egg.

The incredible HOPE you feel when after months or years, you get the chance to implant, only for that embryo to inexplicably die. That feeling of sadness… it’s indescribable. It just doesn’t matter how old a baby is… a few days or a few months. It’s your baby. And when it dies, that loss is real. It’s deep.

When you feel that loss — even one time — it’s so hard to make yourself go through it again. Because there are no guarantees. All that anxiety and fear comes rushing back and you have to just be in it. Live in it. Stay there, for who knows how long.

That’s where we have been for the last two years. In a kind of emotional limbo. Deciding that maybe we were ready to do this again. I didn’t realize we would be putting our lives on hold for the next 24 months.

Not a lot of people know what you have to go through with IVF. Heck, my closest friends whom I update with every appointment can barely grasp it. I’m looking at a medications-and-appointments calendar and I can barely grasp it. But basically, you can’t plan anything. If you do plan something, inevitably that will be the day you are ovulating and you need to start a certain medication or take a test. This happened to us SO many times in the first year, I couldn’t even count. Every time I had a teaching gig, plans to travel or even an outing with friends scheduled, it would have to be either canceled or the appointment re-scheduled.

Then, there’s no guarantee the medicine will work. All the medicines that they gave me for Avalon that worked great 5 years ago were suddenly making me produce cysts. Cysts mean you can’t move forward. More delays. Try a different medicine. Oh now you have a polyp. That means surgery. Then recovery from surgery.

More medicine. More tests. More waiting.

Finally egg retrieval came. Even though I didn’t have as many eggs as I did 5 years ago, I was thrilled that they got as many as they did. Hopes are way up! Then the eggs are fertilized, they wait to see which ones grow, and then the test them to see which ones are genetically good enough to implant. Then they freeze them until it’s time to implant. Science is so amazing!

We had one egg. ONE. They joke that all you need is one good egg… but really that’s really disheartening. Our first two eggs died with our first round of IVF. I could not help but feel there was no chance.

Then the schedules got REALLY out of control. NO matter how hard I tried, every time I had out-of-state work planned, that interfered with our transplant date. We were delayed 3 months because of work schedules that I could not cancel.

So we buckled down. NO traveling until after implantation. All we had to wait on now was my body to ovulate. I did everything they told me to. Took the tests, peed on the sticks, called on the date. “oh sorry, you missed ovulation by one day”. It was Thanksgiving. Another month delayed. Another missed chance.

Up until this time we had been working with natural cycles to limit the amount of medications I had to put my body through. I finally gave up and agreed to a medicated cycle. That means more shots, this time in my back-side, to convince my body it was already pregnant and not ovulate. Avalon was a natural cycle so I had it in my mind that a natural cycle would be best. It was hard to let that go but I was just tired. Tired of waiting for nature to figure it out. Tired of the emotional roller coaster. Just tired.

Finally… on December 28th, we were able to transfer our one egg. It was bed-rest for two days and then a blood test to confirm pregnancy. This time I didn’t tell anyone except very close friends. I knew all too well that the chances of this pregnancy not working out was very high. I knew I could not deal with a public explanation of what that loss would really mean for us.

I’m 38. This is literally my last chance to get pregnant. I’m considered to be a geriatric IVF patient. They really need a new name for that.

We had already agreed… if this egg did not take. We would be done. That thought alone gave me some peace. One way or the other, our lives would finally be able to move forward. If the baby survived then obviously that would be the most amazing blessing. Avalon would have a sibling, we would have another child to love. It also meant being tired again, having our time further divided and the added stress of a newborn. If the pregnancy didn’t take, then we’d be happy with our one miracle girl. We could travel freely and not have to worry about whether or not our house is big enough. We’d know either way.

Of course, I was stressed out of my mind waiting for the results. I tried to prep my heart and my mind for the worst. As if that would somehow make it easier to handle. But there was one thing I didn’t really take into account. Avalon. She’s been here through it all. She’s watching me get the shots. She’s going with us to the appointments. She KNOWS there’s a baby in that little egg in mommie’s tummy and she’s so excited. To her, there is no other way to be. Her excitement makes me excited. So I decide to just be excited.

big sister t-shirt with pregnancy announcement

For ten days we just pretended that there would never be any other outcome than pregnancy. We talked about where the baby would sleep and how she would have to be a good big sister. She told me about all the things she’s going to teach her new sibling and how much fun they are going to have. I knew deep down that the worst news COULD still be coming but it was ok. Because even if it did come, at least we would have those ten glorious days of pure happiness together.

My blood test was on January 7th and in a few hours they called to tell me that tests had revealed the presence of HCG hormones meaning that the egg had implanted and was growing.

Then two days after that, I got another blood test confirming my numbers where raising as they should be.

Two days after that, tests confirmed that I was indeed pregnant.

This is the funny thing about being pregnant after IVF. It’s hard to know when to be really happy. I mean, we’re happy! Of course we are! But it’s always tinged with a bit of sadness because you know it might all end in a flash. Because it has ended in a flash.

There were also things in my work life that are affected. Being pregnant meant that I had to cancel a HUGE competition that I had planned on going to in Italy. I had worked for over a year to even qualify. Even though we had tried everything to make it work, of course, nature had other things planned and my due date fell one month before the competition. As much as I was looking forward to that competition, I just could not bear the idea of traveling internationally with a one month old and competing at the highest level of my field. There was just no way. I know it seems so insignificant compared to a baby but I had made commitments to people I really care about and did not want to let them down.

But you know what they say about making plans right? Of course everyone is understanding. Friends are amazing that way.

So here we are. I’m nine weeks pregnant. My second ultrasound is on Monday. Why are we announcing now?

Well… for one my job is to make videos and in those videos it will become increasingly obvious that I’m not just over-doing it on the potato chips. Secondly, I am exhausted. It’s a lot of work pretending to be myself. To explain why I can’t come teach this year. And sorry no I’m probably not coming to that cake show. Sorry I seem a little out of sorts, I still have to take progesterone shots every day until I’m 11 weeks. I just want everyone to know what’s going on.

It will be so much easier to just say SORRY, I’m growing a baby LOL. No guilt.

And lastly… I know my cake family will be SO happy and I want them to be a part of it. And I know that there is a big chance that this could all be temporary. And if that day comes then I will share that sadness as well. I just didn’t want to post a happy “yay, we are pregnant” photo because there is soooo much that has happened before that. That is still happening. Because I have dear sweet friends who I know will be sad when they see this pregnancy photo because it reminds them of their own losses. I know there will be strangers who will see this photo and feel that sadness from another announcement. I know exactly how that feels.

So this isn’t just a pregnancy announcement. It’s more of a hey, this is what’s going on behind the smiling selfies and the social media posts. Real life. Everybody is fighting a battle of their own. Nobody’s life is perfect. No matter where you are in your battle, I hope you have people in your life that you feel safe enough to share your fight with because it’s incredibly hard to do it alone. And if you don’t have someone, you can talk to me. I’ll listen.

As long as it’s not between 6pm -7pm because that’s when I take my progesterone induced baby growing nap 🙂

Want to learn more about how IVF works? My daughter Avalon LOVES to watch videos you youtube about how her baby brother is growing. I thought this video was particularly informative and beautifully done.

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47 Comments

  • Reply
    Jaime
    February 14, 2019 at 4:27 pm

    1.) I LOVE your new site! Great job Dan! 2.) I’m so so excited for you all. Praying, praying praying for baby to be healthy and for you all to experience the joy of becoming 2nd time parents. 3.) I love you so much, which sounds so silly because we have never met but I guess it is just your personality, your openness and your love for others that makes me love you. I’m so thankful for you and all you’ve taught me. This last pregnancy was difficult for me with the geriatric label too. Seeing patients who were born in the mid to late 90’s in there giving birth, like what?! Anyway, thank you for letting us in on your journey and much love to all of you.

    • Reply
      Grace R
      February 16, 2019 at 2:18 am

      First, I’d like to congratulate you. Secondly, many thanks for sharing your story. I ‘ve worked in the field of infertility for 28 years and find that many couples keep their story/emotions to themselves. Afraid to expose what they think is shameful. I hope your story helps many couples open up and tell their story with the hope to seek help. People should know that their are government programs as well as Injectable medication programs that can help with the cost of infertility treatment. Best Wishes to you and your growing family.

  • Reply
    Tennille - Hot Mamas Cakes
    February 14, 2019 at 4:28 pm

    Beautifully written! I’m so happy for you and your growing family.

  • Reply
    Debbie B
    February 14, 2019 at 4:35 pm

    Bless you and bless your family. Sharing your story has me in tears, in awe, and a further belief in God. I pray your baby boy will be safe in your loving womb. Thank you for helping people understand what you and others must go through to achieve the miracle of life.

  • Reply
    Kelly
    February 14, 2019 at 4:47 pm

    Beautifully and honestly written. I am so happy for you! I’m a fellow caker and Sugar Geek and an ultrasound tech. I just want to say, I’ve been in the room with patients when the news is not so good and it is heartbreaking when the news we have to give is not good. My heart breaks a little bit too. I wish you and your family well.

    • Reply
      lizmarek
      February 14, 2019 at 8:07 pm

      OH goodness I cant even imagine how hard that is <3 Bless you <3

  • Reply
    Ana Rijo
    February 14, 2019 at 5:00 pm

    I am very happy for you, Dan and Avalon, just like everyone whom you’re touched with your talent and your charisma.
    Wish you all the best in your journey. Happy Valentine’s Day!

  • Reply
    Rebecca
    February 14, 2019 at 5:01 pm

    Thanks for this post, Liz. I went through infertility HELL too… surgeries… tests… etc etc. Two rounds of IVF. It was just as awful as you described it and no one can truly know what it’s like unless they’ve been through it. I eventually did get my miracle baby who is now an amazing five year old who is the love of my life. But I know other women who never got the payoff… who went through all the BS we went through and maybe even more. It’s so unfair. I’m so grateful for my happy, squirmy, amazing kid. I’ll never take being a mother for granted. Sending you warm, loving, baby-growing good vibes. Congratulations!

    • Reply
      lizmarek
      February 14, 2019 at 8:05 pm

      Yes to ALL OF THIS!!! Its such a bitter sweet feeling… happiness but sadness knowing there are still so many DESERVING women out there who are struggling and you KNOW how much it sucks! Then I think why me? Why do I get this baby when people I know and love don’t even get one. It’s not fair. Not fair at all.

  • Reply
    Holly Hofmann
    February 14, 2019 at 5:09 pm

    Yay!! I am so happy for you!! When you announced that you weren’t able to do the competition, I just knew there was probably only one thing would stop you! I cried reading this! Pregnancy is a journey and each is different! Congratulations! I look forward to following you on your new journey!

  • Reply
    Kevin | Kevin Is Cooking
    February 14, 2019 at 5:11 pm

    Congrats to all! Hope to see you at EFC again. 🙂

    • Reply
      lizmarek
      February 14, 2019 at 8:03 pm

      I’ll be there! I might need two chairs to sit on but I’ll be there lol

  • Reply
    Kelly Stahl
    February 14, 2019 at 5:11 pm

    God bless your journey and a healthy baby

  • Reply
    Denise Chambliss
    February 14, 2019 at 5:12 pm

    Wow!! Thank you so much for your transparency and sharing your heart. Your words brought me to tears and yet encouraged me at the same time. We wish you an abundance of joy, healing, and laughter!

  • Reply
    Miss Tori
    February 14, 2019 at 5:16 pm

    I hope this one sticks. It’s been almost 10 years since we unsuccessfully went through our IVF journey. It’s tough, even now, to deal with. Just when you think you are ok, something happens to prove you’re not, not really.

    • Reply
      lizmarek
      February 14, 2019 at 8:03 pm

      Absolutely <3 A loss is a loss. I still feel that loss from our first pregnancy. I'm not sure the pain ever goes away... or that I want to. I dont think you can ever be the same again <3 And thats ok.

  • Reply
    Liz Kraatz
    February 14, 2019 at 5:23 pm

    I love your true, raw story! You are such an inspiration and I am soooo lucky to call you my friend! I love you all so much! ❤️❤️❤️

    • Reply
      lizmarek
      February 14, 2019 at 8:01 pm

      Thank you my sweet friend! We love you too!!

  • Reply
    Heather
    February 14, 2019 at 5:42 pm

    Had me in tears, you are incredibly brave and courageous. Your honestly and vulnerability is beautiful and I wish you and your family the most wonderful future x

  • Reply
    Geraldine
    February 14, 2019 at 5:42 pm

    Amazing journey… hopes and wishes…. cant wait to see you grow your bump… like a proud mum to be! Avalon will be amazing too!

  • Reply
    Mary A. Castillo
    February 14, 2019 at 6:16 pm

    Liz, that was beautiful. I am one of those friends that you don’t know that feels a sense of great joy for your amazing gift but also sadness and lacking in the mommy area. I’m 40. I’m beyond geriatric for mommyhood; although I know God is great and anything is possible. I want to thank you for being so understanding and compassionate to those of us who feel like we should be mom’s but aren’t. I will live vicariously through you and your awesome news. I will follow your story and share in your happiness. I’m blessed to be a Mimi(auntie) and love on my babies and others babies as well. If my hubby of 16 years and I don’t get to be parents, we will love on those who need our love. We’re considering fostering and\or adoption in the future as well. I don’t talk to very many people about this bc I can’t help but feel that I am genetically made to be a mom and yet my body somehow skipped over that memo. Thank you for being open and available. God bless your family and especially your newest blessing!

    • Reply
      lizmarek
      February 14, 2019 at 8:00 pm

      Oh hun my heart goes out to you so much! I don’t want to say anything insensitive about there still being hope but I DO have a friend who became pregnant at 42 and it gave me hope <3 I dont know what the future holds for any of us but just know you are NOT alone, it's ok to share your struggles. We don't have to pretend that everything is perfect. If we didn't get pregnant this time we were going to start the adoption process so I know how you feel! Love and hugs to you <3

  • Reply
    Mayra
    February 14, 2019 at 6:24 pm

    Liz, I’m one of your fans…for years. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting you before and the honor of having your input on some of my competition pieces. As I read this I couldn’t help the tears come down. This hits closer than you know. It’s exactly what we’ve been through with the only difference that I gave up. I’m ok but I’m not with it. I just want to tell you that I’m so happy for you all and that I will be praying for this baby.

  • Reply
    Lucienne
    February 14, 2019 at 6:30 pm

    Oh Liz, I had no idea. Been following you, watching you mainly from a distance with such admiration for your strength, your smarts and your light. We take it for granted those in the limelight have it all, not understanding the sacrifices and challenges and pain they also must endure. Thank you for sharing this and for shining a light on this journey. How stressful it must be yet unspeakably rewarding when it comes to fruition. Eat all the chips you want, don’t teach for as long as you want, take all the time you need. This is too important. I’ll be praying you through sista! Sending you virtual hugs and light and blessings.

  • Reply
    Jasmine
    February 14, 2019 at 6:32 pm

    Oh my giving word! How amazing! My marshmallow is getting a sibling! Congrats Liz, Dan and Avalon! So excited for you and hoping the best for this journey.

  • Reply
    Jessica
    February 14, 2019 at 6:47 pm

    Sending you all my love and good vibes!! ❤️

  • Reply
    Claudia
    February 14, 2019 at 8:04 pm

    Love and good vibes!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

  • Reply
    Sherri Peters
    February 14, 2019 at 8:07 pm

    Much love and happiness and prayers to you and your growing family Lizzo

  • Reply
    Michelle
    February 14, 2019 at 11:38 pm

    I am so happy you are embracing every moment! I remember how inspired I was with your journey with Avalon, because I too had been going toward IVF with my husband. After testing, procedures and surgeries we were able to get pregnant on our own(which I had found out about coincedentally at Cake Fest lol)! Sadly, miscarried but months later pregnant again with our now 3 year old. We always remember our 1st pregnancy and think how if we hadn’t miscarried we would have never known our beautiful girl we have today and lucky enough to become pregnant yet again 2 years after! Congratulations to you and your beautiful family!!

    • Reply
      lizmarek
      February 15, 2019 at 6:04 pm

      Wow that is so amazing!! The emotional roller coaster is so intense. You never know what the next moment will bring and then when you look back on it all, you see it all happened the way it was supposed to <3

  • Reply
    Ana P.
    February 14, 2019 at 11:43 pm

    Congratulations Liz, Dan and Avalon. Really happy to hear the news. I’ve been a follower of your journey before you had Avalon when I came across cakes your LMF recipe video way back then. LMF was a lifesaver back when I was starting my cake journey. I also felt related to your story because my husband and I went thru fertility treatments unsuccessfully. We did get our happy ending as we adopted 2 beautiful girls from foster care!

    • Reply
      lizmarek
      February 15, 2019 at 6:03 pm

      My heart goes out to you! It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever gone though! I’m so glad you have your two girls! We were going to look into adoption if this round did not work <3

  • Reply
    Carolina Sigbaum
    February 14, 2019 at 11:45 pm

    First of all, congratulations again, I’ve been posting congratulations messages on your social media announcements, I am very excited to see another fabulous artist growing in your family, Second, I am very sorry to know that you have been thru so much, it’s so true, reality of all of us is so far from what we see on social media or our smiley selfies. You have an army of people that supports you and love you for so much that you have done for us, and we all sending that positive energy for a healthy and successful pregnancy, I also went thru fertility treatment, only medications and it’s invasive and emotional exhausting, we were about to give up for our second baby when I got pregnant and then I had another one, 3 beautiful girls on the house, as my husband says 4 beautiful girls including me 🙂 ! My best wishes to you Liz, keep it positive, keep planning and dreaming with little Avalon and Dan, your cake family it’s definitely here to support you, take your time and take it easy, you will have time for those amazing competitions, more classes, ideas and to take care of all of us again after the baby arrives ! Sending our love to you and family.

  • Reply
    Debbie
    February 15, 2019 at 12:34 am

    I will be saying prayers for you, Dan, Avalon and Ezra Daniel Marek❤️ You are very brave to share your story, and I know it will help so many. I tried many years to get pregnant. I would go every month for a test, and after each negative result, I would sadly go home and research new techniques. I was never tested for how fertile I was, there was no IVF when I was trying. I had endometriosis, which affects fertility. The last visit that I was given the positive results was a shock! I actually cried all the way home. I was beyond happy… but the pain started eventually. I went to an ER and I was told I needed a hysterectomy… No. I wouldn’t accept that, they didn’t even mention that I was pregnant! I called my Mother and said, something is wrong and these doctors are nuts (they were). She flew me me home to Nevada, where I began receiving help but sadly, I was 17 weeks pregnant but the fetus had died at 14 weeks. My body was too weak to miscarry, and a private hell began. Do I allow doctors to take my baby or ???? I didn’t trust them at this point. Once a doctor told me that I needed to let them take this one or I was getting hospitalized (I was now septic), but I should get pregnant right away, because the longer I waited the smaller my chances would be of conceiving, I believed him. That is what happened. I did get pregnant again right away, and never again. I am blessed to now have Grandchildren and Grand Brice’s & nephews that I love. Infertility comes in many forms as the fear of loss or of never experiencing… it’s a shared knowledge that many women can identify with.

    • Reply
      lizmarek
      February 15, 2019 at 6:06 pm

      OMG what a story!! That is incredible and heart breaking. Thank you so much for sharing. Something very similar actually happened to my sister. She had a missed miscarriage at 18 weeks and her body didn’t know the baby had passed away. She actually gave birth to him instead of letting the doctors take him out. It was so hard for her. Amazingly enough she got pregnant right away again as well and is two weeks ahead of me. Amazing how things work sometimes. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You can read about my sisters missed miscarriage on her blog https://hibbardhousefull.com/my-missed-miscarriage-at-18-weeks-pregnant/

  • Reply
    Jane Destross
    February 15, 2019 at 1:21 am

    Liz, I am so happy for you and your beautiful family! I will be keeping you in prayer as you continue your journey! Love your announcement and how beautifully it was written ! Wishing you all many blessings of love and joy in the coming months!

  • Reply
    Annette Colon
    February 15, 2019 at 2:00 am

    Wow! What an incredible journey of love & faith, strength & hope… My heart is filled with joy and love for your family. May God continue to bless you, your family and your journey.

    • Reply
      lizmarek
      February 15, 2019 at 5:58 pm

      Thank you Annette!

  • Reply
    Connie Miksits
    February 15, 2019 at 2:28 am

    I couldn’t possibly be happier for you and your family! Having shared a similar journey with one of my sisters, I send compassionate, loving thoughts and prayers. You are an amazing family!

    • Reply
      lizmarek
      February 15, 2019 at 5:57 pm

      Thank you so much connie <3

  • Reply
    Linda Brann-Muffin
    February 15, 2019 at 11:46 am

    I am so beyond excited for you all!! And, I do know what you’ve gone through to get here. My heart is with you on this journey. <3 Being a surrogate, I was lucky enough to not have to do the Follistim (my heart goes out to you on THAT part!), but that Lupron – OMG.

    Funny Lupron story: My first surrogacy, the shots were easy. When I went to do the 2nd, I had the HARDEST time doing the shots in my leg! It didn't even hurt, but I had to work myself up to do it every day for the weeks I had to stab myself. I don't know why! It didn't really hurt. The progesterone in the butt for 10 weeks, now THAT was a different story! (I gave myself the shots if you can believe that!!) I was fine by the 3rd surrogacy thankfully, and the last two. People who don't know the process don't fully grasp how much of a pin cushion we become. Or how the hormones can wreak havoc on friendships hahaha. If you ever need to lean on someone, I'm here for you. <3

    • Reply
      lizmarek
      February 15, 2019 at 5:57 pm

      OH wow I didn’t know you did that! You are officially a hero in my eyes. What an amazing gift you have given! Yes, lupron is the WORST and made me feel super super hormonal! I would rage over the smallest things lol. Thankfully dan has given me all my shots except the ones in my tummy, for some reason it’s easier for me to do those myself. I never had to do my leg thank goodness! I am so thankful to have so much love and support through all of this, so sad that our natural inclination is to hide what we’re going through. <3

  • Reply
    Heba Elalfy
    February 15, 2019 at 5:35 pm

    Congratulations to you and Dan on your new addition 🙂 I’m happy for you, after going through such a roller coaster of emotions. I too, have one girl and one boy, and I joke about it saying I have a balanced family because I have one of each.. but when you wish for (as I did) or plan (as you did) then that’s such an important aspect of family planning and family life. In my opinion. Once I had a daughter and son, I knew that it would be ‘it’ for me. Maybe in another life, I’d have had more children or if it was another husband, who knows! 🙂 Either way, it’s a beautiful feeling to know that your family is complete. I can’t wait to see tons of baby photos. I hope that your pregnancy is more smooth-sailing, and that the delivery is easy. Best of luck to you. *hug*

    • Reply
      lizmarek
      February 15, 2019 at 5:54 pm

      Yes I feel exactly the same way! I joke about Avalon being so smart because she’s a test tube baby lol So glad you have your family as well <3

  • Reply
    Bunny aroberts
    February 15, 2019 at 7:30 pm

    Your one of the bravest women I know. My thoughts and prayers are with you,Dan and Avalon. Sending prayer and good thoughts your way.

  • Reply
    Paula Rock
    February 19, 2019 at 9:35 pm

    Wishing you all the happiness in the world for your future little one. May God bless you and your family with health and the joy that a new little life can bring.

  • Reply
    Home Page
    August 22, 2019 at 3:50 pm

    I’m still learning from you, but I’m trying to reach my goals. I absolutely enjoy reading all that is posted on your blog.Keep the stories coming. I liked it!

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